Gone in 60 seconds: At FBI director hearing, Republican conspiracies about Biden go ‘POOF!’

By Rex Huppke, USA TODAY, July 12, 2023, (Ed: Satire/Opinion).

House Republicans are convinced the FBI and the Department of Justice and basically any law enforcement agency that hasn’t found President Joe Biden guilty of being a global criminal mastermind is corrupt – CORRUPT, I TELL YOU! – and in cahoots with Democrats.

But the steaming hot conspiracy bubbles belching up from the right-wing fever swamps are occasionally pierced by facts, and a rather thunderous bubble-popping took place Wednesday during a House Judiciary Committee hearing featuring FBI Director Christopher Wray.

The overall tenor of questioning from Republican lawmakers during the hearing was: “YOU GUYS TOTALLY FOMENTED THE JAN. 6 ATTACK ON THE U.S. CAPITOL, DIDNYA? AND YOU ALL HATE DONALD TRUMP TOO, DONTCHA?? AND YOU ALL LOVE JOE BIDEN TOO, RIGHT?!?”

‘Are you protecting the Bidens?’ and other really dumb questions

Rep. Matt Gaetz railed at Wray and the FBI for not finding greater criminality in the actions of the president’s son, Hunter Biden, and for not linking Joe Biden in with the hysterical, evidence-free allegations Republicans have cooked up.

“You seem deeply uncurious about it don’t you? Almost suspiciously uncurious?” asked Gaetz, R-Fla., sounding like a cartoon villain, only dumber. “Are you protecting the Bidens?”

It was all just a giant load of nonsense, which makes sense, as the House Republicans’ current motto is: “A giant load of nonsense.”

OK, who let a Republican ask a smart and relevant question? THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS!!

But then, in less than a minute, one line of questioning made the GOP’s entire line of hooey about the FBI having it in for Republicans and being in the bag for Biden go poof.

Rep. Ken Buck, R-Colo. – yes, a Republican – began asking Wray about his career.

Buck said: “You were nominated by Republican President (George. W.) Bush for the position of assistant attorney general in the criminal division at the Department of Justice and you were confirmed by a Republican Senate?”

Wray replied: “Yes, by unanimous voice vote.”

Buck continued: “And you were then nominated by Republican President Donald Trump to be the FBI director and again confirmed by a Republican Senate for that position?”

“Yes,” Wray said. “I think there were only five votes against me and they were all from Democrats.”

Buck concluded: “According to Wikipedia, you’re still a registered Republican, and I hope you don’t change your party affiliation after this hearing is over.”

So the Republicans who want to defund and discredit the FBI, the ones who eagerly dragged the FBI director through the mud Wednesday with absurd allegations grounded in zero facts, want you, the American people, to believe this: The nation’s premier law enforcement agency has been weaponized against Republicans under a director who is a lifelong Republican and who reached his current post by being selected and confirmed to positions by two Republican presidents and two Republican-led Senate bodies.

Even as a conspiracy theory the GOP’s anti-FBI theory doesn’t make sense

Forget that all this is in defense of former President Donald Trump, a one-term, twice-impeached lifelong con artist who now faces more than 70 felony charges in two cases, with more indictments on the horizon.

Forget that Hunter Biden was actually charged with two misdemeanor tax offenses and a felony firearm offense.

Forget that, despite relentless investigation, Republicans have produced nothing linking President Biden to his son’s activity, or the fact that the person they touted as a key whistleblower was just charged with arms trafficking and acting as an unregistered agent for China.

Before you even get into details of the conspiracies, you have to believe the FBI director at the center of it all is corrupt. And he was appointed first by President Bush and then again by President Trump! This conspiracy is now an unusually large footprint shy of Bigfoot.


 Image Credits: Drew Angerer/Getty Images